jobs, diet and moshpits

had an interview for a job as a  barmaid, which would be cool, i gotta wait and see if i get it tho.  diet is going ok, i have been eating waay too much pasta, but as we have litteraly no money [ dunno how we are even gonna get the rent paid this month] than i had no other choice, and just not eating for a few days as out of the question, on wednesday i went to a gig to see my friends band perform, they are so awsume, i was sitting outside the pub with them drinking all evening before they went onstage, tthen during there set we had a moshpit, only a small one as there wernt that many of us that wanted to take part, so that was wednesdays excersize! tho the 3 cans of strongbow that i had before during and after the moshpit, did not do any good, thats the prob with having no money, u gotta drink cheap alcohol. but i am gonna start my degree in a few months time, im studying the arts, but mainly litrature. latin, and the art of language, and possibly some history as well, so studying classical artists and writers, i cant wait!! stay strong xxx

well, well,well

last week has been ok , i have got soo drunk on so many days, and i was high on coke on friday, the only problem, was when me and j [my boyfriend] had a massive arguement, and i resorted to the only coping method i kno how, a minor od on painkillers, self harm, and alcohol, it got too much and i didnt kno what to do, so i rung one of my best friends and he helped me sort it out, im so thankful for having the friends i have,

smile, it wont last forever

i hate feeling like im not making any progress, i hate the mirror, but i kno it wont last forever, as long as i be a good girl, then the numbers will go down, weight, inches, sizes. i kno its worth it, i can do this, im optimistic at the moment as im sitting here knowing that my body has only had 530 cals today and i only have a small buffet dinner to go, as i sip my 5 cal raspberry and cranberry spring water, looking at thinspo sites, and beleiving in my self. i can do this, i will do this, and i must always remember that yes it may be 'only 100 calories' but it all adds up!!!